Ahoy, friends! I have a serious topic to discuss with you: why it’s so important to be mindful of how you interact with people (and especially kids) with special needs. To help illustrate this point, I have a story from the summer of 2023 to share. This all unfolded aboard the riverboat Becky Thatcher during a weekday sightseeing cruise. What started as a routine cruise turned very difficult with just a few harsh words. Let’s dive into the specifics below.
It was a Friday afternoon when it all went down. At that point in the day, we were deboarding guests from our second cruise at the dock where they would board the train, and the train was dropping off guests for our third cruise, as part of our train and boat combination excursions. I was up at the gate, greeting guests as they boarded the boat. The last two to board were a woman and her son, a teenage boy. This boy shook my hand and said, “Hi I’m Chris!” I could tell immediately that he had special needs, possibly autism.
I was the Senior Deckhand that day. The other two deckhands were Ryan and Jane, and our captain was Phil. For some background, Phil was knowledgeable about seamanship, but he sorely lacked people skills. He was notorious for saying insensitive things to coworkers and did not seem to like it when other people took the initiative. In one case, I arrived at work on time, but the rest of the crew (Captain included) was late. When I called the main office, they said that those crew members would arrive soon. When Phil found out, he called me and gave me an earful. Not at all a good experience.
Anyway, before the cruise began, Captain Phil gave his safety speech while the other two deckhands and I stood by on the lines. After casting off, I went up to the second deck where I gave a tour by speaking into the PA system. After a brief introduction to the vessel, I began talking about the region’s history with the ivory trade. Chris and his mom were seated nearby, and aside from some excited noise from Chris, the start of my tour went fine.
Ryan went up to the third deck, which we opened to the guests at that point, while Jane stayed down on the first deck, watching the guests and monitoring the engines. Many guests filed up to the third deck, including Chris and his mother later in the cruise. When I finished giving my tour, I remained on the second deck to keep watch over the guests there. We were on our way south on the river when the trouble began.
As we passed Gillette Castle State Park, Chris and his mom came back down to the second deck. Chris was raising his voice, saying “Call the police,” repeatedly while his mom was trying to calm him down. Alarmed, I went over to ask what the matter was and how I could help. That’s when Chris’s mom told me what exactly happened:
“Chris was having a great time, bouncing up and down when your Captain came over and shouted ‘That’s enough! Stop that!’”
This news, while not entirely surprising given Phil’s history, was indeed shocking. How could someone in such an important role be so insensitive to his vessel’s guests? I was deeply upset, but I knew that now I had to limit the extent of the harm. Chris was still very distressed, asking his mom to call the police again and again. I alerted all the nearby guests to give Chris room, and to stay in their seats if they could. I radioed Ryan and Jane about the situation to make them aware of it.
At that point, Phil got on the radio and made the situation worse. He said, “Bill do you need to handcuff that crazy guy?” Trying to avoid the fact that there were even handcuffs on board the boat, I immediately responded by saying, “No Captain, I have the situation under control.” That Phil even radioed that message to me was bad enough, but worse, the message could be heard by everyone nearby… including Chris and his mom. This further inflamed Chris’s mom, and she grew even more frustrated. So did I, for the matter.
At long last, we got the Becky Thatcher back to the dock. As the guests were deboarding, Chris’s mom asked me to who she should report this incident. I directed her to Stanley, the conductor of the steam train. Knowing full well that I needed to report this incident myself, I immediately grabbed my gear and drove to the main station in Essex to report what had happened.
When I arrived at the main station office, Conductor Stanley was already delivering his report to Jim, the office manager. I gave my full incident report to Jim and wrote a statement as well, which I signed.
While walking back to my car, Chris and his mom (who by now I knew was named Mary), stopped and thanked me for my help. I said you’re welcome and apologized for Phil’s behavior. Mary was grateful, and poor Chris was still asking us to call the police, the poor kid.
The following morning, I met with the railroad’s president to discuss what had happened. The agreement we came to was that Phil had to go, but someone had to replace him. It was then that the company president suggested that I become a captain myself, which is exactly what I set out to do, and succeeded! Phil was conspicuously absent from the all-hands boat meeting the following year.
In July of 2024, Chris and his mom Mary returned to the railroad and took a train and boat excursion. I was on duty aboard the Becky Thatcher that day, along with Bob, our newest captain. Bob gladly let Chris steer the boat, and Mary explained to me that Chris was still bothered by what Phil had said to him, and even mistook Bob for Phil. Bob was quick to point out that Phil was gone from the company and would not be returning ever again. Chris and Mary had an excellent time aboard the boat that day and were very grateful for our kindness and compassion.
You must be kind to people with special needs because they will remember how you treated them! In Chris’s case, the memory of Phil’s rudeness was so hurtful that it was still on his mind close to a year later. Our brains have a built-in negativity bias designed to keep us alive, but it also causes us to live with unpleasant memories. Just think about how one insensitive word or sentence can ruin someone’s perception of themselves or their attitude towards you. What you put out there into the world – your energy, your work, your words – all matters, often in ways we cannot perceive or notice.
This story is particularly potent for me because I am on the autism spectrum myself. I know what it’s like to be abused by others because of your behavior or personality. It’s not at all fun, it’s not productive, and it’s certainly not welcome.
So, the next time you encounter someone like Chris, please be kind to that person. They will remember, and so will the higher powers. Be smart, be mindful, and above all, be good.
Names in this story have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved. I do not speak on behalf of the company. If you enjoy my content, please subscribe to get notified about new posts. Thank you for your support, and as always, thanks for reading!